Me and Elvis (2010 Edition)

I used to do a "Me and Elvis" blog every year on myspace around Elvis's death (Aug. 16) or birthday (Jan. 8). It has been a while, so here is the 2010 edition. Basically, what I do is tell three stories about me and Elvis, BUT the catch is only one is true, the other two are not. It is up to you to see how well you know me (or Elvis) to figure out which is the true story about me and Elvis. Here they are:

#1. When me and Elvis were in the Army, we were both armor crewmen in the same tank crew. Elvis was the loader and I was the driver. The rest of the four-man crew was the gunner, Rosecki (from Minnesota) and Morris was the tank commander. We were doing a twelve day training session at Fort Knox where we were out in the field having mock battles in the tanks. We had been out there in the woods for five or six days and were ordered to stand-to at 5:30 AM. We had to be in up and running and in position at that time. Elvis usually slowed us down because he was such a heavy sleeper (he could sleep ANYWHERE, ANYTIME) and that morning he had been particularly hard to wake up and we were about to be late getting into our firing position on a hollowed out berm. We were all at our stations in the tank except for Elvis, who was outside the tank brushing his teeth. Morris was yelling at him to get in so he could spin the turret around and have it aligned out the berm before the company commander found us out of place. So, as Elvis was climbing in the loader's hatch, an impatient Morris took his turret control joystick and yanked it to spin the turret around, BUT without checking on Elvis's safety first. Ok. . .so the inside of a tank turret there are all these clockwork looking teeth that the turret spins on and there was no safety guards what-so-ever. Elvis foot was hanging down between the turret and those gear teeth as he moved down from the hatch just as Morris was spinning the turret! I heard him scream on our CVC helmets (like an intercom but in helmet-form) but being down in the driver's compartment I had no idea what was going on. I found out shortly there after that if Roseki hadn't used the gunner's turret control override, Elvis's leg below the knee would have been sheered off!! Fortunately, he was only a little stiff, but his leather boot was actually torn at the ankle.

#2 After getting out of the army, I went to college at the University of Memphis (Memphis State University back then. . .I heard it cost them two million dollars to change their name. . .signs and stationary??). I was living in Richardson Towers Dormitory which was two ten-story towers right next to each other with a communal cafeteria at the bottom, one tower was for men the other for women. My roommate was Jake and we lived on the 4th floor right next to the fire escape stairs. During my first semester there, Elvis showed up with only a small bag of clothing saying he thought he would enroll at Memphis State as well. He said he was interested in their art program and signed up for some sculpting classes. However, he said that the Army was screwing around with his college money so he didn't have the cash for both tuition AND a dorm room. A solution was found in me and Jake's room. The dorm room was separated by a massive, dinosaur-shaped desk/dresser combo that sat in the middle of the room. One side of it was Jake's and a mirrored reflection of it was my side. Connecting the two desks was a tunnel so you could put your chair/feet under the desk. . .Elvis borrowed a blanket, rolled up a towel for a pillow, and slept in that desk tunnel for about four or five weeks. It sounds crazy to let a third guy sleep in a two-person dorm room under the desk, but he was Elvis after all. So. . .He was going to classes and meeting new people (mainly girls) and I was shocked to find that he was actually a pretty good sculptor. The snag came when his instructors were asked to stop letting people come to classes who had not paid. Apparently, he did not have the money for tuition as well as housing. He stuck around a couple weeks after that, but got bored and began hanging out with a girl he met at the Memphis Academy of Art.

#3 Years (15?) later, both me and Elvis were living in a small coastal town in Maine. Over the weekend, Elvis was suppose to keep an eye on two sailboats that were moored out in the water. A hurricane was coming (it actually hit Nova Scotia) and was suppose to hit us around midnight. Everyone was pretty nervous about it, but that evening it was just windy and rainy. Elvis called me on the phone at 11:30pm and said "Hey, man. . .will you come help me check on those two boats? I might have to move them if the storm is too rough on them. And I can't move two boats by myself." I knew absolutely nothing about sail boats so I had some questions for Elvis:

Question #1. Are they tied to a dock? "No, man. . .they are anchored about 30 feet off the shore, not too far."
Question #2 (a follow-up question) If we have to move them, how do we get out to them? "Oh, in kayaks, man. . .we kayak out to them."
Question #3 (a second follow-up question) Since I've never been in a kayak or a sail boat, will I actually be able to "help" in this type of situation? Elvis, sounding really confident said, "No problem, man, they're just boats. It's easy."

I was picturing myself being lashed by the wind and rain in a beat-up red kayak, being pushed out to sea, capsized, and found a week later with three lobsters in my chest cavity by the coast guard body retrieval guys. "Ok, sure." I answered. Long story, short. . .we went out and looked at the sailboats and they were fine so we drove home.

Nostalgia Movie Review

I like to go back and watch movies I really liked back in the day. So. . .I borrowed "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and discovered that as a kid, I only watched the last 40 minutes of it.

I was stunned by the carnival scene ("Where did this come from??") and dazed by the candy factory scene ("Candy factory??? Did they CGI thi...s in??"). I was also shocked that it was based on a book written by Ian Flemming, the same guy who brought us James Bond, 007. But then when the main female character's name is "Truly Scrumpious" I was totally reminded of his Bond character "Pussy Galore" from the James Bond movie, "Goldfinger." Oh. . .and Roald Dahl wrote the screen play for CCBB. . .go figure.

Anyways. . .I fast forwarded to the fantasy/story sequence set in "Vulgaria" and left it at that.

Tricksters on the way home

At 12:30 in the afternoon yesterday I was driving home. About 3 miles from my house is a spot where I see red foxes ALL the time, but usually at dusk or dawn. But not yesterday, walking down the middle of the road in a spot with a lot of trees, a young fox was trotting right down the middle of the road. . .which is un-fox like to me. They usually seem real dodgy. I then noticed that he was looking up and around and was so focused on something that he did not see my car approaching. Then he ducked. A big crow dive bombed him. As I got closer I saw the crow silently harassing the young fox, diving in and out.

I broke the dispute up with a honk. . .my car was only 6-10 feet from the two. The fox bolted left and the crow lighted on a dead tree next to the road, about 6 feet off the ground. I stopped the car and told the crow to ease up on the fox because it was, after all, just a kid. The crow did not seem moved by my pleas. . .

My yard

My yard does not get mowed, mainly because I have no lawn. My front yard is the Atlantic Ocean and my backyard is a forest.

Recently, I kept hearing this dinosaur-like squawking in the trees and pictured a pterodactyl sitting in a treetop in my backyard. It turned out to be a raven. I say "turned out" because it took some investigation. For me its hard to tell the difference in a crow and raven and unless they are side by side I don't know if I'm looking at a BIG crow or a LITTLE raven. Come to find out, the trick is their tails. Crows have a shell shaped looking fan tail and a Raven has a triangle shaped tail. So. . .This screeching black bird in my back yard had the triangle tail. . .plus it was MASSIVE. I saw it when I went out to jog and it was setting on this tree (the dead one in the center).

It appeared to be waiting for me to die so it could pluck out my eyeballs. Ravens do that, I think.

The fog has been pretty much a constant the last week (it actually broke today) and here are some photos taken along my foggy jogging trail (which is also my driveway):




It may not look like it, but part of my backyard is VERY boggy. I'm not sure how the trees grow in it, here is a blurry photo of some of the standing water:
This bog is protected by a very powerful nature spirit who employs millions of mosquitoes who patrol in squadrons after squadrons on search and destroy missions. I'm fairly certain that if you look at one under a microscope you would see not only their individual squadron markings but kill marks and nose art (actually, probably "Proboscis Art") with kill marks like WWII airplanes did.

The 15 People I would invite to a dinner party.

I haven't thought about this for a while, you know, where you talk about the 15 or so people you would invite to a dinner party with no limitations? I shortened it to five though. Research suggests that when you get more than six people together the group conversation splits into separate groups. Plus, I would NOT invite folks like Thomas Jefferson or Socrates, those guys are pretty intense, and I would have a tough time relaxing. So here they are in no particular order:




1. Kate Moss. She has always been cool in my book. Unflappable and articulate.




2. My brother, Matthew. He would say things that I would be too embarassed or intimidated to say.





3. Terry Pratchett. He is one of my all time favorite authors and his writings are so witty and insightful, I'm betting that he is, too.





4. Penn Jillette. Penn is a sharp skeptic who is multi-talented even though he is sometimes abrasive. I was a fan of Penn & Teller back in the day when they exposed the tricks of cheesy magicians and became even a bigger fan of their Showtime show, "Bullshit." They are great live in Vegas at the Rio. Check them out if you make it out there.




5. You. You're a lot of fun to hang out with and I value your input.

Tales of Slack: Chapter 12 (part 4)

"Matthew's Hubcap Trick"

Scully's Bar. The Tenderloin, San Francisco. 1996

Matthew and I were sitting in front of Scully's bar. There was some crappy plastic lawn furniture chained to a pole. This was before Mr. Phillips had the deck built off to the side. Anyways, Frankie Styles and Andie pulled up and parked illegally right in front of us. He was still driving that black station wagon that he thought looked like a hearse. It kind of did look like a hearse in the same way a pony kind of looks like a horse.

"Dan. Ork." He said as he walked up. He always called Matthew, "Ork," but I can't remember why. I think Frankie once said he used to play Dungeons & Dragons and Matthew reminded him of a juvenile Ork. That sounds faintly familiar so let’s go with that. After Andie got her stuff together, she got out of the passenger side and waved as she flashed us a smile.

"What's going on?" Andie said still smiling. She looked like she could be Tori Amos’ younger sister. Brownish red hair, wide mouth with exaggerated lips, and twinkling blue eyes. Which, I might add, always seemed to linger when we made eye contact.

"Go on in, Andie. Let me have a word with the Brothers Slack." Frankie said.

"Sure, see you guys inside." Andie said walking in.

Frankie smiled down on us like a proud father. "Do you fellas see something missing from the bone wagon?"

"You call your station wagon the "bone wagon?"" Matthew said with a chuckle.

"Do you see something missing?" He persisted.

"Yeah, your hubcap." I said.

"Right! Your powers of perception never cease to amaze me. Here's ten bucks, Orc. See if you can find me a match." He held the ten dollar bill and motioned to the garage/body shop next to Scully's with its over filled parking lot of projects and wrecks spilling into Scully's parking lot.

"Sure, Frankie, sure. . .I gotcha covered." Matthew said taking the ten.

Frankie grinned and made a clicking sound in his cheek as he pointed at us both, his fingers simulating two pistols. "I'll catch you two later." And he went into Scully's.

"Can he see us?" Matthew asked thumbing towards the bar’s window behind us.

I looked and could see Frankie talking to Andy Boy as Andie Girl moved behind the bar. "Nope. He’s talking to Andy Boy."

Matthew took out a clunky Swiss Army Knife and pulled out the little screwdriver and ducked around to the rear of the driver's side of Frankie's car. A squeaking metal sound preceded Matthew returning with Frankie's hubcap. He walked around and popped Frankie's rear left hubcap on the vacant front right hubcap.

"There we go." He grinned and sat back down in the plastic chair with a look of immense satisfaction. “Perfect match.”

Andie had apparently put some money in the jukebox before getting behind the bar because someone had just turned on the outside speakers and the music playing was her favorite bar tune, “El Paso” by Marty Robbins. We could hear the few patrons in the bar singing along with the parts they knew.

Matthew softly sang too, “And at last here I am on the hill overlooking El Paso; I can see Rosa's cantina below.” Then looked up and said, “Wanna go to the taqueria and get a burrito?”

My mind immediately pictured a watermelon sized burrito filled with rice, beans, and cheese. “Yeah, that sounds good. The one around the corner?”

“Yeah”

At the same time we were planning on spending the $10, Frankie left Scully’s and after noticing the “new” hubcap said, “Pretty fast, Ork." He walked around to the front of his car as Matthew gave him the thumbs up. Matthew laughed as Frankie drove away oblivious to the fact that he still only had three hubcaps.

Should you quit your day job?

Here's a quiz from the Official Slacker Handbook:

Inching up the wage scale is important, but one should never underestimate the importance of finding a day job that truly suits the slack lifestyle. Before you leave your $7 an hour job managing that tiny out of the way used bookstore for a $14 an hour job toting cement blocks around a construction site, take some time to assess those intangibles that make a day job worth keeping:

"I never have to wake up before 11AM to make it to work on time." TRUE 4 points FALSE -3 points

"I work three days a week or fewer." TRUE 5 points FALSE -2 points

"My job taxes less than 2 percent of my mental reserves." TRUE 4 points FALSE -2 points

"I can read books and magazines of my own selection while at work." TRUE 1 point FALSE -1 point

"I can watch TV at work." TRUE 3 points FALSE -0 points

"My friends can come hang out with me while I'm at work and I still get paid." TRUE 2 points FALSE -2 points

"I have never broken a sweat at work." TRUE 2 points FALSE -2 points

"I never have to move quickly at work." TRUE 3 points FALSE -2 points

"My stress levels at work range from "low" to "very low."" TRUE 4 points FALSE -2 points

"I can make long, personal phone calls at work." TRUE 1 point FALSE -1 point

"I can make long, long distance personal calls at work." TRUE 2 points FALSE -0 points

"I can make long, international personal calls at work." TRUE 3 points FALSE -0 points

"I am free to act sullen and rude with any customers I might come into contact with at work." TRUE 2 points FALSE -1 point

"I can more or less choose to work whenever the mood strikes." TRUE 4 points FALSE -1 point

"I can smoke while on the job." TRUE 2 points FALSE -5 points

"I am encouraged to smoke while on the job." TRUE 4 points FALSE -0 points

"I have an unlimited supply of FREE coffee at work." TRUE 4 points FALSE -2 points

"I can successfully perform the duties of my job while hung over." TRUE 1 point FALSE -1 point

"I can successfully perform the duties of my job while intoxicated." TRUE 3 points FALSE -0 points

"I can successfully perform the duties of my job while under the influence of mind altering drugs." TRUE 4 points FALSE -0 points

"I can drink alcohol at work whenever I want." TRUE 2 points FALSE -0 points

"When I fail to show up at work without notice, I am not promptly fired." TRUE 3 points FALSE -2 points

"When I fail to show up at work without notice, I am neither reprimanded nor promptly fired." TRUE 5 points FALSE -0 points

"I have little to no trouble leaving my job for a period of months and then returning to it." TRUE 3 points FALSE -2 points

"I do not have to wear a uniform at work." TRUE 1 points FALSE -4 points

"I do not have to wear a funny hat at work." TRUE 0 points FALSE -6 points

"I never wear a suit to work." TRUE 0 points FALSE -10 points

"I never wear pantyhose and high heels to work." (women only) TRUE 0 points FALSE -5 points

"My parents are ashamed to tell their friends what I do for a living." TRUE 7 points FALSE -1 points

"I can sit down with my friends, smoke, talk, read, write, doodle, put my feet up, and drink coffee for prolonged periods of time while still getting paid at work." TRUE 10 points FALSE -3 points

SCORING:

-60 to -1 points: Your job selection instinct is severely impaired. The only way your score would be acceptable for a slacker is if your salary is enabling you to sock away enough money to retire within the month. Otherwise, do yourself a favor. GET A NEW JOB.

0 to 19 points: Your score puts you in that slack employment limbo that indicates that you just aren't trying hard enough. Learn to tend bar, for heavens sake! Bone up on your cappuccino skills, perfect your scowl, and go apply at your neighborhood cafe. Trust me, you're working too hard.

20 to 50 points: Your score, while eminently respectable, still leave ample room for improvement. The question you must now ponder is simple: Do I have my job or does my job have me?

50+ points: CONGRATULATIONS! You have mastered the most important aspect of slack living. You have found the most perfect day job. (Now try your best not to get canned.)

***I scored a 61!!!***

Tales of Slack: Chapter 3

"I highly doubt Keven fell down."
The Flying Saucer Draught Emporium, Downtown Memphis, Tennessee. Years later. . .1998


The bar was not full. Just patrons on the fringes, kind of like moss on a brick wall, you know, creeping in on the edges. The problem was I knew it should be full by now and that worried me. I saw Rob in position near the pay phone, but couldn’t see where Kamal was. Had he slipped in while my back was turned? I'm pretty sure I had been vigilant.

A group of women practically burst in laughing, disrupting the piped in unknown alternative music. The waitress said, “Sit where ever you want, ladies.” The women proceeded to the center of the bar. The tiaras and pink feathered boa’s spelled out what they were: a bachelorette party. The glittery sequins on their belts, purses, and shirts, when combined with their make-up gave me the distinct impression that they were tropical fish. You know, the colorful kind in salt water aquariums, and well, the ocean.

I looked over at Rob and made eye contact and then looked down at my watch, as if to say, “Where the hell is he?” Rob shrugged and shook his head.

Out of the window, I glimpsed a puff of smoke coming from behind the brick wall just out of view. Near the edge of the window I also saw the wind blow some long blond hair into view. Making eye contact again with Rob, I motioned for him to stay in position. I left the bar stool and my half-full pint glass as my place holder. Notice I didn't say "Half-empty?" I'm trying to be more optimistic these days.

“Leaving already?” The waitress asked.

Hey, she sounds genuinely disappointed, I thought as I said, “Nope, be right back.”

Outside, I turned left and saw Kamal leaning against the brick wall talking to a blond woman and to her right her just as blond, but clearly ready to go, friend.

“Hey, Kamal.” I said staying near the bar entrance several feet away from the trio.

“Lieutenant Dan!” Kamal smiled, “Come meet my new friends.”

I sighed and went to join the threesome, “Hey, nice to meet you." Then lower I added, "Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Sure, man, we got plenty of time, right?”

“No. No we do not have plenty of time unless we are going by Samhouri time which we are not.”

Turning to the women and with as much charm as possible, Kamal said “Sorry ladies, but unfortunately I must leave you.” Then added with a smile, “Call me.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t come in with the bachelorette party.” I said steering Kamal into the door.

“Eh? Bachelorettes?”

As we entered a different waitress said, “Back already, guys?”

I looked over at Rob’s location to now find it vacant. This is like herding cats! I thought. Was there some dark force keeping only two of us in the bar at once time? Too bad Jake was out of town, I'd like to see what ever was at work here keep four of us at bay.

“Hey Leah,” I said to the waitress, “Did you see Rob leave?"

"Who?" She asked.

"A tall, blond guy in a blue jean jacket. . .did anyone like that leave in the last 2 minutes?”

“No, I don’t think anyone has left.” Leah answered. Was starting to wonder if this was some kind of guessing game and I was just not asking the right questions.

“Wait around here, Kamal, watch the door.” I said in a low voice and headed deeper into the bar. I still saw no sign of Rob. The bachelorette party cackled as their first round of drinks arrived on a massive tray carried by a tiny waitress.

Walking into the bathroom, I immediately saw a pair of feet, as well as the legs connected to them, sprawled across the floor. Kevin’s small frame was splayed out with his head resting ever so gently against the wall. Rob was standing over him holding a small black case the size of a pack of post-it notes. “Got it.” He smiled.

“What happened to Kevin?” I said pointing at the unconscious punk, who, I had just noticed had dyed his hair a fluorescent orange. The brightly colored hair did not improve his normally greasy appearance . . . neither did lying on the floor in a bar's restroom, for that matter.

Rob shrugged as he handed me the black plastic case, “He fell down. . .sorta.”

Hey. . .you kids like poetry??

Here's a poem I wrote back in 1993. It’s the only one I've written and I'm not too inclined to write another . . . however, as always, I am keen to share it. It is primarily about:

Her Eyes

Stained glass etched in frost

Or green leaves turning gold

I always get hopelessly lost

In a gaze that never grows old

Reflecting a starry night

Emitting intelligence, oh so bright

Expressing passion or pain

Smiling while walking in the rain

Flashing in recognition

Sparkling with comprehension

Pine needles sprinkled with frost

Or emeralds set in gold

I hope to forever get lost

In a gaze that never grows old

Still Monitoring the Midlife Crisis Situation

Since I've arrived in my 40's, I try to keep up a healthy dose of self reflection to determine whether or not I'm having a mid-life crisis (I don't want to be that guy). Anyways, I'm all about introspection. So here's how it works, I looked "Mid-life crisis" up in Wikipedia and I'm using the following as my working definition/parameters:

"A mid-life crisis is an emotional state of doubt and anxiety in which a person becomes uncomfortable with the realization that life is halfway over. It commonly involves reflection on what the individual has done with his or her life up to that point, often with feelings that not enough was accomplished. The individuals experiencing such may feel boredom with their lives, jobs, or their partners, and may feel a strong desire to make changes in these areas. The condition is most common ranging from the ages of 35-50, and affects men and women differently."

That's pretty much how I would have described it but I would have used the words "regret" and "disappointment" a lot more in my definition. Ok, now that our term is defined, I then compare now to 10 years ago:

Comparisons: 31 and 41

10 years ago, I had just moved back to Memphis from East Tennessee where I received my teaching license at East Tennessee State University. My plan all along was to teach high school for a few years and then go back to get a PhD in Education and then work the rest of my life in higher education (or as I call it, the "good life"). So, I think I'm right on track with my career goals. However, I only planed on teaching for 3 years instead of 6, so I'm slightly behind schedule.

I was dating my future ex-wife at the time and now I'm a bachelor. Both at 31 and 41, I was/am a few years away from a divorce and not all that excited about the prospect of getting married again. I think being a bachelor for an extended period of time makes me more selective versus more desperate. . .its nice how the older you get the more patterns you see emerge.

As far as friends go, back at age 31 my best friends were in Memphis, San Francisco and Johnson City. Here at 41 my best friends are still scattered about the country far away from me, but I have manged to make some really good friends (and drinking buddies) up here in Maine. There are truly some delightful people in the New England/New Brunswick, Canada area.

I have had a breakthrough since I was 31 with my religious beliefs. Back then I didn't really know what I believed, but in the past few years I figured it all about. As a side note, one of the things I lost from back then was "having figured women out." I clearly remember, when I was about 25, that I sorted it all out and women were no longer a mystery. I wish I had written it down! That's why I wrote my Religious Manisfesto for Future Daniel. Past Daniel dropped the ball on the women one.

Ok, so let's go through this Mid Life Crisis check list from Wikipedia:

Certain characteristics displayed by individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis often include but are not limited to:

1. search of an undefined dream or goal

No, absolutely not. I think that's where you are "trying to find yourself." I am self aware and I have always been a goal oriented person and I have been been successful in keeping on top of them over the years.

2. desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness

No. I've kept a lot of my hobbies from my youth (RPG games, video games, painting, and favorite authors) so its not like I'm trying to regain something lost. I still wear the same style of clothes from when I was 31, but not the cloths from my early 20s (because it was the 80s and I'd look stupid). I think its worth noting that recently I have gone out with people who are 15 to 20 years younger than me and I do not feel pressured to drink beer as fast as they do.

3. acquiring of unusual or expensive items such as clothing, muscle cars, jewellery, gadgets, etc.

Nope. The last thing I acquired was snow shoes. . .that were on sale.

4. paying extra special attention to physical appearance

Hmmm. . .not really. Despite people telling me to shave because I would look younger, I have grown a beard. I've been jogging and eating better for a few years now and I have lost and kept off 50 pounds. But I haven't gotten my teeth capped or spray on tans or died my increasingly gray hair. My motives are health not beauty.

5. need to spend more time alone or with certain peers

That's a big NO. I do not want to spend time alone. Coming from a big family I am comfortable around big groups of people/friends. There aren't any "peers" of mine that I see myself strongly drawn to, either. In Memphis I hang out primarily with my friends from college who are all around 40. . .same goes for Knoxville plus or minus a few years. Here in Maine, I spend time with people in their 70s, 60s, 30s, and 20s. Not many people in their 40s around. . .what happened to my demographic???

6. a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished

No, again. I think in the last 20 years I've accomplish quite a bit and I am proud of my accomplishments. Also, in the last 10 years I have really gotten to travel more, PLUS I've finally been able to travel outside the US (London and Japan). Traveling has always been one of my dreams/goals so I'm glad I've been able to do it, and do it with good friends to boot! I have had some very rewarding relationships and although I had wanted children when I was younger, I'm not feeling the paternal drive as much as I did back in the day.

7. an underlying desire to initiate new sexual partnerships

No, I've always been more interested in QUALITY relationships versus a QUANTITY of relationships. I'm not currently involved with anyone in a serious relationship, and that has been by choice. Last year I came up with a commitment to an idea, the idea being that if I can't be with "the Ghost of my Past" (and I can't), then I want to be with someone better than her and not just settle for a woman because she happens to be chasing after me.

Ok then. . . so that was 7 no's, and on top of that I really don't feel a sense of regret or of disappointment. I am actually quite enthusiactic about life here in Maine. There is still no sense of urgency that I need to live life before its all over or an impending sense of doom (Which Leslie informed me is one of the signs of Heart Disease) because my life is half over. So, I still maintian no mid-life crisis here.