Since I've arrived in my 40's, I try to keep up a healthy dose of self reflection to determine whether or not I'm having a mid-life crisis (I don't want to be that guy). Anyways, I'm all about introspection. So here's how it works, I looked "Mid-life crisis" up in Wikipedia and I'm using the following as my working definition/parameters:
"A mid-life crisis is an emotional state of doubt and anxiety in which a person becomes uncomfortable with the realization that life is halfway over. It commonly involves reflection on what the individual has done with his or her life up to that point, often with feelings that not enough was accomplished. The individuals experiencing such may feel boredom with their lives, jobs, or their partners, and may feel a strong desire to make changes in these areas. The condition is most common ranging from the ages of 35-50, and affects men and women differently."
That's pretty much how I would have described it but I would have used the words "regret" and "disappointment" a lot more in my definition. Ok, now that our term is defined, I then compare now to 10 years ago:
Comparisons: 31 and 41
10 years ago, I had just moved back to Memphis from East Tennessee where I received my teaching license at East Tennessee State University. My plan all along was to teach high school for a few years and then go back to get a PhD in Education and then work the rest of my life in higher education (or as I call it, the "good life"). So, I think I'm right on track with my career goals. However, I only planed on teaching for 3 years instead of 6, so I'm slightly behind schedule.
I was dating my future ex-wife at the time and now I'm a bachelor. Both at 31 and 41, I was/am a few years away from a divorce and not all that excited about the prospect of getting married again. I think being a bachelor for an extended period of time makes me more selective versus more desperate. . .its nice how the older you get the more patterns you see emerge.
As far as friends go, back at age 31 my best friends were in Memphis, San Francisco and Johnson City. Here at 41 my best friends are still scattered about the country far away from me, but I have manged to make some really good friends (and drinking buddies) up here in Maine. There are truly some delightful people in the New England/New Brunswick, Canada area.
I have had a breakthrough since I was 31 with my religious beliefs. Back then I didn't really know what I believed, but in the past few years I figured it all about. As a side note, one of the things I lost from back then was "having figured women out." I clearly remember, when I was about 25, that I sorted it all out and women were no longer a mystery. I wish I had written it down! That's why I wrote my Religious Manisfesto for Future Daniel. Past Daniel dropped the ball on the women one.
Ok, so let's go through this Mid Life Crisis check list from Wikipedia:
Certain characteristics displayed by individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis often include but are not limited to:
1. search of an undefined dream or goal
No, absolutely not. I think that's where you are "trying to find yourself." I am self aware and I have always been a goal oriented person and I have been been successful in keeping on top of them over the years.
2. desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
No. I've kept a lot of my hobbies from my youth (RPG games, video games, painting, and favorite authors) so its not like I'm trying to regain something lost. I still wear the same style of clothes from when I was 31, but not the cloths from my early 20s (because it was the 80s and I'd look stupid). I think its worth noting that recently I have gone out with people who are 15 to 20 years younger than me and I do not feel pressured to drink beer as fast as they do.
3. acquiring of unusual or expensive items such as clothing, muscle cars, jewellery, gadgets, etc.
Nope. The last thing I acquired was snow shoes. . .that were on sale.
4. paying extra special attention to physical appearance
Hmmm. . .not really. Despite people telling me to shave because I would look younger, I have grown a beard. I've been jogging and eating better for a few years now and I have lost and kept off 50 pounds. But I haven't gotten my teeth capped or spray on tans or died my increasingly gray hair. My motives are health not beauty.
5. need to spend more time alone or with certain peers
That's a big NO. I do not want to spend time alone. Coming from a big family I am comfortable around big groups of people/friends. There aren't any "peers" of mine that I see myself strongly drawn to, either. In Memphis I hang out primarily with my friends from college who are all around 40. . .same goes for Knoxville plus or minus a few years. Here in Maine, I spend time with people in their 70s, 60s, 30s, and 20s. Not many people in their 40s around. . .what happened to my demographic???
6. a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
No, again. I think in the last 20 years I've accomplish quite a bit and I am proud of my accomplishments. Also, in the last 10 years I have really gotten to travel more, PLUS I've finally been able to travel outside the US (London and Japan). Traveling has always been one of my dreams/goals so I'm glad I've been able to do it, and do it with good friends to boot! I have had some very rewarding relationships and although I had wanted children when I was younger, I'm not feeling the paternal drive as much as I did back in the day.
7. an underlying desire to initiate new sexual partnerships
No, I've always been more interested in QUALITY relationships versus a QUANTITY of relationships. I'm not currently involved with anyone in a serious relationship, and that has been by choice. Last year I came up with a commitment to an idea, the idea being that if I can't be with "the Ghost of my Past" (and I can't), then I want to be with someone better than her and not just settle for a woman because she happens to be chasing after me.
Ok then. . . so that was 7 no's, and on top of that I really don't feel a sense of regret or of disappointment. I am actually quite enthusiactic about life here in Maine. There is still no sense of urgency that I need to live life before its all over or an impending sense of doom (Which Leslie informed me is one of the signs of Heart Disease) because my life is half over. So, I still maintian no mid-life crisis here.
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