Me and Comcast are here to help you date

For some reason, the Comcast News webpage mixes in dating advice with the news. I'm thinking maybe my primary choice for a source of news lacks some credibility. There's a story on there now that lists the top five things that can screw up a first date. To summarize, they include:

1. Monopolizing the conversation (This one actually doesn't bother me that much, especially if the woman is nervous, because I understand that some people talk a lot when they are nervous. It helps if she has a musical quality to her voice, you know like that actress who played Glenda the Good Witch. But after the first couple of hours or so I'm thinking she should power down a few notches.)

2. Pretending to be someone you're not (To me this one is the worse. Saying "I love to go out and listen to local bands" does not translate to "I like to watch a lot of prime time TV shows and do NOT like to miss them." However, it is cute when a date tries to fake nerd interests: "Sure, I like that Spork on Star Trek as well as playing video Dungeons and Dragons on the inter-web.")

3. Practically proposing (Yes, this is what we call in the dating game as a "red flag")

4. Over sharing (Comcast suggests saving this stuff for therapy, not dating.)

5. Ignoring subtle cues (If I say "I love Memphis" you're probably not going come across as endearing when you say "Memphis? Thats a crime infested stink hole!")

Those are all valid, thank you Comcast. I would also like to add five more:

6. Talking about your pets as though they are actually children (I thought I was going to actually see a human being after I was asked "Want to see a photo of my 4 year old little boy?")

7. Not talking at all (Ok, ok, you are shy, but give me something to work with lady! Bring a sketch pad and we can communicate with Doodles like I did with that non-English speaking Chinese guy, Oscar, who I hung out with in grad school.)

8. Living with your ex-husband (Apparently more common that I thought. Its always awkward to drop you off and there's your ex-husband holding your 2 year old daughter at the door. He looks so sad )

9. Criticizing my fashion sense (I don't know what to say. I like black. And believe or not, I agonized over what to wear on the first date. Since my mom stopped buying me clothes 20 years ago, my choice of clothing is part of who I am. Constructive criticism is ok though. . .after all, ditching the bomber jacket from US Male didn't hurt that much.)

10. Trying to kill me (That's always a turn off.)